When speaking of being unsecure, there are several things that can enhance your self-doubt.
As a psychologist, I have listed the biggest sinners below to help you identify them.
How to avoid becoming more self-doubting:
Don’t try to read others thoughts
Most problems, especially in relationships, and in other social contexts starts with bad communication, which leads to reading your partner or friend’s thoughts. Thought reading occurs when two people assume they know what the other is thinking. An attempt to read others’ thoughts is a direct shortcut to insecurity and stress.
Instead, start asking questions if there is something you don’t understand or start believing that what the other person is telling you is the truth. So much energy is spend trying to reading thoughts and we are not able to do that.
Don’t create problems that doesn’t exist
When creating your own problems inside of your head, you are directly self-sabotaging yourself. If you continuously doubt yourself and do not acknowledge your own worth, you will miss every opportunity to let others take care of you and you will remain in those problems that bothers you.
You have to realize that there are ups and downs, mood swings, moments of love, presence, loneliness and frustration. Those ups and downs are normal! The next time you feel insecure and catch yourself in it, stop yourself and take a deep breath. Being able to distinguish between what you imagine and what actually happens in your life is an important step in the direction of self-confidence and in the long run a deeper self-esteem.
Stop judging others for the past
Think of the times when you committed something unfair to someone just because they reminded you of a person from the past who treated you badly.
Unfortunately, there are many who dwell in the past simply because they were in a relationship with someone who was dishonest, left them or abused them. They react defensively to everyone else who comes close, even though the new relationships have only proved to be friendly and supportive.
If you take the past into your present relationships, you will build the same defective structures that were previously separated. Keep in mind that past is past, and now you’ve met new people who need a chance to prove the opposite of what you’re used to.
Stop focusing on the negative
There is nothing better than a perfect relationship. Although it may seem perfect now, it won’t always be. The quality of happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance and, conversely, is proportional to their intolerance and expectations. What matters is how two people accept and handle the deficiencies in their relationship. That’s what makes their relationship unique.
Of course, this does not mean that you have to accept everyone in your life who is willing to accept you.
Understand that everything is thoughts, and your quality of life equals which focus you are here.