I always say, when you are a pleaser, you sell out of your own strength!
Are you one of those who like when others think you are incredible? Then read along.
Because there is nothing wrong with that.
What is wrong, is when the accomplishment of others liking you come to stand before everything else.
Then you are a pleaser.
If you are, you probably recognize this: It’s really hard to say, “no”.
You immediately think of what others think of you. You live your life based on other people’s attitudes and values, because you are so afraid of disappointing and not being able to accomplish.
It is human and natural to be resilient socially, but there is a difference between just being social and letting others cross your borders.
The red buttons flashes when…
1. You never make choices or have an attitude in assemblies.
If you find it difficult to express your opinions and feelings in a group, you constantly allow everyone else to make decisions for you.
How to avoid this: Remember, disagreeing is not equal to not being friends anymore. To be able to have opposite opinions is fine and being able not to formulate them in a violent or harsh tone is even finer. You can easily have a different viewpoint and formulate it in a gentle, sweet or charming way. People can have different opinions and still treat each other with respect and humility. If you treat others with respect, they will respect you. Even when they disagree on your opinions and choices. If you experience something else, know that you are not wrong, but the person you speech to might have a bad day.
2. You find it very difficult how to handle that others don’t like you
You spend a lot of time devising and figuring out how you can make sure that other people like you. Their recognition of you is before anything else.
How to solve this: Spend some time to really understand, why you have such a great desire to be loved and liked by everyone. Try to understand that something from the past might influence why. Release it by knowing that it is an old pattern and spend some time to practicing to do the opposite. You must work on your robustness by separating the pain from that time to now. The pain you experienced in the past and the one you experience today does not belong together. We all need to be loved and accepted – but not by everyone. Choose the most important people, who’s love and devotion is important for you and train yourself in having that ease towards how everybody else react upon you. Practice is important here.
3. You primarily suppress feelings like anger and sadness
Do you feel unexplainably angry towards your close friends, partner or boss? The anger is your subconscious telling you that you have neglected yourself for too long and instead you have helped others around you.
How to solve this: How your feel is your most important roadmap. Your feelings tell you how you feel in certain situations. Don’t take your feelings for granted and know that your feelings never lie. Realize the truth upon what is going on in your life. Find the time to self-care and make it a priority.
4. You don’t set boundaries
You avoid setting boundaries because you mean that it is the opposite of what people expect from you. This just give people a bigger playground for playing with your life and feelings. This will, on the long run, make people cross your boundaries more often – and you will first recognize this when they have.
How to avoid this: Be honest, now. Understand that your time and energy are limited, not because you are selfish just because you’re also a human being. Limits are simply a recognition that you are not a superwoman. Practice setting boundaries where there are no major consequences, and slowly build up familiarity with it.
5. You never get the chance to say stop
Deep down inside you sometimes want to say no, but instead you end up promising more away than you are almost able to comply with. You like helping other people, but the more you say yes to others, the less time and energy you have for yourself. You fear you will lose your friendships by saying no.
How to deal with this: You must come to the realization that your ability to care for others and your ability to care for yourself are not contradictory. They are closely connected. You must understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of those around you, it is their own responsibility. When you begin to look like this on the world, it slowly becomes easier to say no.